The Art of “Hearing No”…

Absolutely do NOT allow hearing “No” slow you down XOXO

I have read that one of the top six things that plague artists or that we fear the most is hearing “no”.

(I’ve also heard/read that we artists tend to worry, fear, over react and become emotional to any type of rejection because we are right brained.)

Hearing no is embarrassing, humiliating, sometimes hurtful depending on how you are told, and greatly discouraging in general!

Part of our reactions is due to, with an art, a project, an assignment…whatever it is…if you are the one in charge, or the creative…it feels so personal. It is easy to question your ability, your taste,

and even your self worth may feel attacked.

So what do you do to get through this?

Here are a few thoughts I have had through many years of being a creative in different fields which might just help. I hope it is at least a spot for beginning to better work through, and more importantly, take your next steps.

1. Laugh.

2. Ask for advice, thoughts or suggestions from the “no” person.

3. Consider that this is a long term game or marathon.

4. Do not compound the no response.

5. Be kind to yourself.

6. Look for any truth in the no.

7. Don’t deny that it hurts.

8. Turn the rejection ( or the No) into a positive.

Laugh.

I am learning to do this through humorous self deprecation. I mean this in the healthiest sense of the word. It is said that President Ronald Reagan was the master of this…and because of it he gained many friends…even from people who did not agree with him.I personally think that being self deprecating means to not take yourself too personally.

So to do this you might need to practice what you might say to yourself, what you might think, when you are rejected or just told no.

I shared on instagram recently that I was invited to show my art by setting it up at a major furniture store. Needless to say, I was very excited, loaded up “lots” of art (emphasis on “lots”) in to 2 vehicles and had my husband help me do this. The short story is I sold nothing, almost no customer spoke to me, I began to perspire (okay…sweat) and I completely know what it means to have a frozen smile on your face.

So what did I do? I actually started guessing what people were going to do when they came through the front door…

(of course they parked me at the front door…no place to hide)

and whether they would immediately turn at a 90 degree angle to avoid me or smile and get a business card out of kindness. Well, geometry ruled the day.

I also began to tell myself what was true: that the customers weren’t coming out on a Saturday to see art at this particular store…they were there to purchase wedding gifts, etc. No one was the enemy here. In fact, I probably would have been someone who would have taken a card and gone on my way actually. So I laughed to myself because i knew that I would have done the very same thing!

And don’t forget I had to pack up and leave. I think I felt worse for the employees and my husband than myself! I also realized another truth that really helped me…This was NOT the venue for me…and maybe not for most artists. It was okay and I was able to pack my things up and even laugh so…You yourself know how to do the same…

to laugh inside, so be prepared to do it because everyone hears no at some point in their career.

Ask for advice, suggestions or thoughts from the “No” person.

This is short. Just ask if the person who told you no might offer some thoughts or suggestions as to what they might think would work better, have a better impact, what might they have preferred to see.

If they have nothing to say, or something like “we don’t have room for you right now”, or “your subject matter is covered for us right now”…don’t take it personally…just back out with thank you for your time and express gratitude for the opportunity of their insights.

If they do have suggestions, listen and be gracious if you do not agree with them. You might not agree but, later, you just might find some truth in their comments and will be glad they shared honestly.

Finally, the biggest lessons of my life have been the most helpful to my becoming much better, more inspired and the most clear headed about my next steps…they may have hurt at the time but later they were the impetus for success.

Consider that this is a long term marathon and not a sprint

This is a marathon and not a sprint. Yes you have heard this expression…and it is well known because it is true. Almost anything that is important to us takes time but we live in the “right Now”…everyone wants success, popularity, acceptance, right now. That is not feasible or realistic so give yourself the time you need to grow, to learn and to find your own success. Be thankful for the opportunity to have this journey and don’t miss out by “emotionally jumping ahead”.

Do not compound the No response.

Do not “pile on” yourself with thoughts of you aren’t good enough, everyone else is selling so much art, other artists would have been told yes, you should just quit, the no person didn’t like you, blah, blah, blah. Tell yourself the truth if you have to write it down and read it multiple times. Talk to someone you trust that will see the situation correctly and know how to speak truth through your emotions. Later,I was able to share stories with Bill and my children about my day at the furniture store (and even exaggerate slightly) how much the customers were avoiding me and we laughed until our sides were hurting. Guess what…it turned out to be a good day!

Be kind to yourself.

This will be short and sweet. Sometimes, I look at myself and think “What would I tell myself if I was a young child and I was told no… Or what would I tell my own children when they were young. Wouldn’t I be kind and loving to a child? You would never go back in time and tell your young self that “they”were a loser. So be kind to yourself and figure out where you can learn and grow.

Look for truth in the No response.

This is not true in every situation but often there is SOMETHING we can learn from the no response.

To figure that out we have to be objective and do a little digging. Bring in that friend you can trust, visit a gallery director or someone in the field to ask for further advice. Be open to learning how you might improve, do things in a different, better way, visit with someone ahead of you in experience that would take time to give you their thoughts. Research online art blogs (or blogs in your field) and you will probably feel encouraged and inspired to look at the no in an entirely different manner.

Last, if you believe that the No is completely wrong and you have given it quite a big of attention, then perhaps you are right so be glad and forget about it. Don’t let a no, in any event, prevent you from pursuing your passion and taking the steps to grow from the response you received.

Don’t deny that it hurts.

Accept that it hurts to be told no, it is embarrassing to be told no or that it is maddening to hear whatever you heard. You are not alone but it probably won’t be the last time. The important thing to remember is to use this to grow…not to defeat you.

It does absolutely no good to concentrate on, review constantly any kind of rejection or no. Over thinking a situation can lead to paralysis and prevent you from moving on. Learn perhaps just one thing even if it is you will be told no. But don’t let the no responses hurt you.

Turn the rejection into a positive.

When we were first married I remember preparing a chicken dish that did not turn out well. As kind as Bill was, I knew that he did not enjoy it so much. I remember feeling so bad but I was not about to waste that chicken.

The next day I figured out a casserole to use all the same left over ingredients. That night, unbeknownst to him, Billy was presented with the same food but in a different format.

You know what happened. He loved it and had seconds and finished it up over the next day or so! Later I confessed what I had done and he was so amazed and thought I was wonderful.

We can turn our no responses around. It may not be a yes with the same people, company or clients, but it can come back around better and stronger…YOU can be better and stronger!

Kim Kreis graduated with a Master’s Degree in Elementary Education and taught the most delightful fourth graders in a blue collar, farming community outside Dothan, Alabama for 10 years. Following her marriage in 1986, she moved to Birmingham where she began a new career as a stay at home mom and a fine stationery entrepreneur for 25+ years. Once she and her business partner passed on their company, Sweet Pea Designs, the next step became obvious…to be an artist with a purpose…